La page perso de Laurent Mahieux
The Truth is of course, is the Universe is playing God with dice...
%%
A computer is a Genie that can grant any wish. The catch is you must
specify your wish exactly, in binary.
%%
Plutonium president kill for sale NSA CIA FBI hostage mole infiltrate
(the above line is designed to drive the NSA internet scanning
computers crazy)
%%
"Hard work pays off in the end, but laziness pays off right now."
%%
Cooper: Wanna know why I'm whittling?
Truman: OK, I'll bite. Why are you whittling?
Cooper: Because that's what you do in a town where a
yellow light still means slow down, not speed up.
%%
Klingons do not procrastinate!
It is a *tactical* delay. -Worf, Star Trek: The Next Generation
%%
"Would you rather have the crouton, or the entire Caesar salad?"
%%
If the Brady Bunch crashed in the Andean Mountains, who would they
eat
first?" -Carla Tortelli
%%
"Yep, yep, there's nothing to do, pretty much, yep, yep, yepper
pepper,
doodly doo, rainy rainer rain, it's a-raining on Jane, it's a plane
bane
Citizen Kane, lumbdy dum, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing,
boing..."-Crow
%%
/\ /\ "People want to know why I do this, why I write such gross
stuff.
o o I like to tell them I have the heart of a small boy, and
I keep
\ / it in a jar on my desk."
* -Stephen
King
%%
"...I didn't do it, nobody saw me do it, you can't prove anything..."
&&
"You know when I get in the mashed potatoes with my doorknob, all she
do is
cry and cry cause the little volleyball don't have no liver or
lungs..."
%%
"Sometimes reality has no sense of style"
%%
"If a member in fact speaks words that under the rules could be taken
down
and no one asks that they be taken down, then in fact words could
have been
spoken that would have been taken down, but no one asked that they be
taken
down - is that correct under our rules?" Rep. Bill Thomas R-CA
%%
"Eventually people realized that the Information Superhighway was
essentially CB radio, but with more typing."
%%
"I am heavily armed, easily bored, and off my medication!"
%%
,--, "We're gonna need a bigger boat!"
,--------' '----._/~> "This was *NOT* a boating accident"
\___' /// ( "Out of the water, NOW!!!"
~-..___\__|___..-~\_>"smile, you son of a @#$%&"
%%
^`. o
^_ \ \ o o
\ \ { \ o
{ \ / `~~~--__"We're gonna need a bigger boat!"
{ \___----~~' `~~-_ ______ _____
\ /// a `~._(_||___)________/___
/ /~~~~-, ,__. , /// __,,,,) o ______/ \
\/ \/ `~~~; ,---~~-_`~= \ \------o-' \
/ / / /
'._.' _/_/
';|\
%%
"The sages say that life is like a very bad B movie: the acting
sucks, the scripts are bad, but the special effects are groovy."
%%
"Heaven's just a rumour she'll dispel
As she walks me through the nicest parts of hell" - NIN
%%
_________________________________________________________________
| I can't think of anything original. I'm only good in support. |
|_________________ -Rosencrantz ________________________________|
%%
"Tell a man that there are 300 billion stars in the universe, and
he'll
believe you...Tell him that a bench has wet paint upon it, and he'll
have
to touch it to be sure." -Unknown
%%
"...I'd rather be famous than righteous or holy, any day..."
Morrissey
%%
"Give an infinite amount of monkeys 10 minutes and they'll design
Unix."
%%
"I was a free thinker; then I discovered you could charge money for
it."
%%
"It's a strange world of language in which skating on
thin ice can get you into hot water."
%%
"The mind is like a TV set - when it goes blank,
it's a good idea to turn off the sound."
%%
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the
volume knob also turns to the left."
%%
"A computer is a Genie that can grant any wish. The trouble
is you must specify it exactly, in binary."
%%
"The Truth is of course, is the Universe is playing God with dice..."
%%
"We have the technology to create a species of symphony playing...
<insert life form here> entities that can also create symphony
playing <insert life form here> entities... between our ears.
Now lets learn how to use it."
%%
"How could we know that our very minds can control time and space
when we can't even describe how they make us smile when we are
happy. Fortunately knowledge is cumulative."
%%
Welcome to Heaven, Welcome to Hell,
here's your Mac." here's your PC.
- Gary Larson, The Far Side
%%
"You got yoga, honey, I got beer." -Billy Joel
%%
"I am merely competent...but in an age of extreme incompetence,
that makes me extraordinary." -Billy Joel
%%
"I am Cornholio! You will give me TP for my bunghole!" -Beavis
%%
"The other major kind of computer is the 'Apple', which I do not
recommend, because it is a wuss-o-rama new-age computer that you
basically just plug in and use. This means you don't get to
participate in the most entertaining aspect of computer owning,
which is trying to get the computer to work." - Dave Barry 2/6/94
%%
"My friends, each of you is a single cell in the great body of the
State. And today, that great body has purged itself of parasites.
WE have triumphed over the unprincipled dissemination of facts. The
thugs and wreckers have been cast out. And the poisonous weeds of
disinformation have been consigned to the dustbin of history. Let
each and every cell rejoice! For today we celebrate the first,
glorious anniversary of the Information Purification Directive!
We have created, for the first time in all history, a garden of pure
ideology, where each worker may bloom secure from the pests of
contra-
dictory and confusing truths. Our Unification of Thought is a more
powerful weapon than any fleet or army on Earth! We are one people.
With one will. One resolve. One cause. Our enemies shall talk
themselves to death. And we will bury them with their own
confusion!"
<<<--- Big Brother Apple Macintosh 1984 Super Bowl
Commercial
%%
"Run, rabbit run. Dig that hole, forget the sun. And when at last
the work is done, don't sit down it's time to dig another one."
%%
"Who REALLY puts the filling in the Twinkies, anyway?"
%%
"New .signature under development. Start your development
now! Beat the crowd!"
%%
"'Politically correct' is an oxymoron."
%%
"We're not particularly concerned about what the student newspaper
has to say." - Wes Schaub, Director of Greek Life, CWRU, in an
interview for the Observer, January 21, 1993
%%
| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |
LOUIS LOUIS LOUIS LOUIS LOUIS LOUIS LOUIS LOUIS LOUIS LOUIS LOUIS
LOUIS
LEE LEE LEE LEE LEE LEE LEE LEE LEE LEE
| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |
(stereogram)
%%
...You will tell me if this .sig gets annoying, won't you?
%%
"Windows reminds me of bad carpentry;
I always expect a light fixture to fall on my head."
%%
"He's not a man, he's a remorseless eating machine!" - The Simpsons
%%
"The opinions put forth in this article are not necessarily the
opinions of the poster. They might just be here to piss you off."
%%
"I'm from another country -- I'm from Alaska."
%%
"The Truth knocks on the door and you say 'Go away, I'm looking for
the Truth.' And so it goes away. Puzzling." - Robert Pirsig
%%
"Do the one thing you do best: be yourself and screw the rest..."
%%
"Hey, I didn't order any tax!"
%%
"Well you know, being a cow is a recessive trait..."
%%
"The night is black without a moon. If we listen to the voices
that were silent for so long. If you thought they went away, well
you couldn't be more wrong. You bloated sack of protoplasm! I'll
teach you to be happy! Life is a dream somehow."
%%
"He who hesitates is late." -me, but I doubt I'm the only one.
%%
"Many people are still alive simply because it is ILLEGAL to KILL
them!"
%%
"Sex has 2 purposes: Orgasm & Reproduction. I LOVE Both."
%%
"Next to the originator of a good sentence is the first quoter of
it."
%%
"I don't know where I'm going, but I'll let you know when I get
there."
%%
"BURMA!" "Why did you say Burma?" "I panicked!" "Oh!"
%%
%%
"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy."
%%
WHAT is your name? Captain Jean-Luc Picard.
WHAT is your quest? I seek the Holy Grail.
WHAT is the top velocity of a Bird of Prey? Romulan or Klingon?
I....I don't know...AAAHHHH!!!!
%%
"Monster Grendel was rather plainish
For breakfast he simply have a couple of Danish..."
%%
"Hello from the vast frozen wastelands of Fairbanks, ^^^~~~^^^
Alaska, United States, Planet Earth, Sol Solar System,(o) <=>
==================================================OOOo=(
)==oOOO==
Third Arm Of the Milky Way Galaxy, Fifth Quadrant of ( )
Universe 913, Paratime Nexus 8103.003811.7298.09beta" ( )
***RETURN ADDRESS INVALID***RETURN TO SENDEE************* O
%%
"If you eat a live frog first thing in the morning, nothing
worse will happen to either of you the whole day."
%%
"Liquor?! I don't even know her! But since when has that mattered!"
%%
"Remember, I'm not laughing with you, I'm laughing at you!"
%%
"And this lesson about mortal peace of mind I never forgot.
Even if a ghost is ripping a house to pieces, throwing tin pans
all over, pouring water on pillows, making clocks chime at all
hours, mortals will accept almost any 'natural explanation'
offered, no matter how absurd, rather than the obvious super
natural one, for what is going on." -The Vampire, Lestat
%%
"Never mind what's been selling; it's what you're buying" - Fugazi
%%
"My God! It's full of sliced meat!" - Phil Trodwell
%%
"Where's your brain?" - Ferris Beuhler
%%
"Like most censors in the world, you seem to be unable to find the
'OFF' button on your communications device." -- Rick Kleffel
%%
"This sig is a member of several twelve
step programs. And that's......ok."
%%
"Now, boys. Only kill what you can eat.
And eat everything you kill." -Ray Shea
%%
"Wait a minute.. that's not the Black Crowes.. This is cool."
-- Butthead, watching the BeeGees
%%
"I am nothing but a little green slab of clay."
%%
New .sig under construction. CAUTION: we whistle at women.
%%
"Love is great, but a brick is even better."
%%
"Watch out where the huskies go,
and don't you eat that yellow snow!"
%%
"If I wanted you to know what I'm
thinking I'd be talking." - Al Bundy
%%
"It doesn't matter a pair of fetid dingo's
kidneys what you do from now on." - Ford Prefect
%%
"Don't be alarmed, it's only a test...
I knew you would be...."
%%
"Remember: you can lead a yak to water... but you can't teach
an old dog to make a silk purse out of a pig in a poke!"
%%
"The following statement is true.
The preceeding statement was false."
%%
"I think a little. I code a little. Then I think a little more."
%%
"To err is human, To forgive is divine,
To moo is bovine, To oink is porcine,
To howl is lupine, To purr is feline,
To bleat is ovine, To bark is canine."
%%
"I'm omniscient, I just don't know it yet."
%%
"This is a test of the Emergency Broadcast System. This is only
a test. Had this been an actual emergency, you'd be writhing
on the ground in unspeakable agony, bleeding from every orifice,
with your blackened skin falling away in ragged strips."
%%
"Why not go out on a limb?
Isn't that where the fruit is?" - Frank Scully
%%
"Do not speak unless you can improve on silence" - Buddhist proverb
%%
"Free Advice and Opinions -- Refunds Available"
%%
"Tiananmen Square: 5 years later,
ignoring it becomes official US policy."
%%
"People who post
Newsgroup flames
Must have flammable
Gas for brains.
Burma Shave."
%%
"Lick their postage stamp minds."
%%
What part of "...shall not be infringed." don't you understand?
%%
"Ride a motorcycle. Save Gas, Oil, Rubber, Steel,
Aluminum, Parking Spaces, The Environment, and Money.
Plus, you get to wear all the leather you want!"
%%
"Jesus saves sinners and redeems them for valuable prizes!"
%%
"You're either in with the lizard people or you're not." -Tori Amos
%%
"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I see now I
should have been more specific." -Lily Tomlin
%%
"I don't consider myself an offensive guy, I am just a
harmless, lovable little fuzzball." -Rush Limbaugh
"Oh, we must all be Klingons then!" -Me
%%
"Do or do not. There is no try." - Yoda
%%
"The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was
created. This has made a lot of people very angry
and been widely regarded as a bad move."
%%
"Scout in a can. Simple, cheap, easy to use and it's expendable!"
%%
If anyone from Apple is reading this and think I'm doing them
a big favour, I'd really *love* a job as a DTS engineer...
%%
et ploum ploum tralala.. sorry j'ai pas de dictionnaire des
citations!
%%
"If only I were the kind of person my dog thinks I am..."
%%
My opinions are my own.They're my feet and I'll put them in m
y mouth if I want to. Do not expose to open flame.Under penal
ty of law, do not remove this tag. Caution, contains silica g
el, do not eat. Do not read while operating a motor vehicle o
r heavy equipment.In case of eye contact, flush with water. T
his supersedes all previous notices.
%%
"COOL! Chicks, Fire, and Death.
Finally somebody got it RIGHT!!" - Beavis(?)
%%
"I wanna decide who lives and who dies!" - Crow T. Robot
%%
"We are the Beautiful. We teach you Sin."
%%
"Nonsense, if I was any drier I'd be drowning." -Groucho Marx
%%
"Statistics show that there now
is a sucker born every 28.5 seconds."
%%
"Wiener dog sweater sold separately."
%%
"Dogs flew spaceships, invented the vacation...
Men and Women are the same sex...
Our forefathers took drugs...
That's Right! Everything you know is wrong!"
%%
"Bad luck is when you win the lottery, and God
decides it's a nice day to end the Universe."
%%
"Y'know, sometimes I feel just like a one-legged cat
tryin' to bury turds on a frozen pond." -Tom Anderson
%%
"Men Wanted for Dangerous Expedition: Low Wages for Long Hours
of Arduous Labour under Brutal Conditions; Months of Continual
Darkness and Extreme Cold; Great Risk to Life and Limb from
Disease, Accidents and Other Hazards; Small Chance of Fame
in Case of Success." - Sir Ernest Shackleton, explorer
%%
"Hey, do I know where to get some good bbq, or what??!"
%%
"DOS is proof that PC users can take a joke."
%%
"Bring me a red page. I order you to BRING ME A RED PAGE!!!!"
%%
"I don't think that there is ENOUGH sex and violence on tv.
I want so much sex and violence [in movies] that my eyeballs
bleed and I can see things in black and white again, just
like the Born Again Republicans."
%%
"Sentence fragment. Another.
Good device. Will be used more later."
%%
This is the title of the story which is also
found several times in the story itself.
%%
"So I shot him. Then I shot him again. Then, to be safe,
I shot him one last time. Then I shot him once more."
-Richard Nixon, Inaugural Speech, 1972
%%
"Freak scene just can't believe us.
Why can't it just be cool and free us?"
%%
"All speling, grammetical errors are becose I went to scool,
where education is subservient to process, dude."
%%
"Vicky, I don't want an adversarial
relationship... so don't f*** with me."
%%
"I speak only for the mass of blood and
gristle which responds to "Joe?"
%%
"Geez, I need a *reason* for everything?" -- Calvin
"Should I or shouldn't I? Too late, I did!" -- Hobbes
%%
"To err is human, but to really mess things up requires a computer."
%%
"On the information superhighway, I'm the guy with the hat
doing 50 in the passing lane, with the blinker on and the
seatbelt hanging out making sparks."
%%
"If God had meant for us to be naked,
we would have been born that way."
%%
(__)
(oo) +-------------------------+
/-------\/ - | Don't have a Bart, man! |
/ | || +-------------------------+
* ||----||
~~ ~~
%%
"Do you smoke after sex?"
"Dunno, never checked."
%%
"Computers are just smoke and mirrors. I can prove it to
you very easily. When you let the smoke out, it stops working."
%%
"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then
suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night,
the ice weasels come." - Nietzsche (Groening)
%%
"I wish Noah had swatted those two flies."
%%
"This gets me so angry I could just strangle a manatee
in the nude! Arrgh!" - Opus, Bloom County
%%
"Eating meat on Fridays may not be a mortal sin anymore, but I
bet there are still some guys in hell doing time on a meat rap."
%%
"You can have my encryption algorithm... when you
pry my cold dead fingers from its private key."
-John Barlow, "Decrypting the Puzzle Palace"
%%
"Life is NOT like a box of chocolates. Any individuals
persisting in spreading this rumor will be executed."
%%
"There are only two kinds of guys in this world...
those that would do Ginger and those that would
do Mary Anne. Well, I guess there are a few sickos
that would do Mrs. Howell." - Dr. Strangelove
%%
"French is music to the ears,
especially when spoken by the nubility."
%%
"Relish life, relish every friend, and,
please,put sauerkraut on your hot dog."
%%
"Did Schrodinger's cat have 18 half-lives?"
%%
"There were allegations that a number of students at
schools in Brooklyn may have been involved in having
some knowledge, particularly about social studies and
possibly English." -Samuel Patrick, Ex-Dir Board of Education
%%
"110 Million PC users _can_ be wrong!"
%%
"I am .15% of Starlight. The other 99.85% may think otherwise.
%%
"Ah, you miserable creatures! You who think that you are
so great! You who judge humanity to be so small! You who
wish to reform everything! Why don't you reform yourselves?
That task would be sufficient enough."
%%
"The preceding message was reviewed by a panel of
experts who found that it does not appeal to the
prurient interest of the average American. Sorry."
%%
"To live is to laugh, to do justice, to love the
gods, to kiss the lips of women and to know that
the world is mad." - Oliver Stone
%%
"It's hard to sleep at night when you know that a
10 pound frog from Southern Cameroon might come
and jump on your stomach."
%%
"Believe me! The secret of reaping the greatest
fruitfulness and the greatest enjoyment from life
is to live dangerously." - Nietzsche
%%
"Because Jaguars are a lot faster than hedgehogs!"
%%
"Don't become part of someone else's bad karma."
%%
"The truth is where the sculptor's chisel chipped away the lies."
%%
"Using active SONAR is exactly like turning on a flashlight in a
dark room full of nervous people with guns." HARPOON Tactical Guide
%%
"The Net interprets censorship as damage
and routes around it." John Gilmore
%%
"...they're too busy playing with
their PCs instead of their Pee Pees."
- Neil (...God) Rogers on modem users
%%
"And still the universe extends to a place that never
ends... which is maybe just inside a little jar."
%%
If you are missing information, just remember, that this message
was moving through the net with high relativistic speed, so any
shortening comes from Lorentz contraction...
%%
"Life is temporally limited - drive velocitously!!"
%%
"So one night I was lying in bed staring up at the stars
and I wondered......... Where the HELL is my ceiling?!?"
%%
"It's getting harder and harder to
act weird" -- Bill Griffith via Zippy
%%
"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little
or no influence on society." - Mark Twain
%%
"Furthermore, the above message does necessarily reflect the
opinions of my employer, all his family and friends, everyone
they've ever expressed a desire to speak or otherwise communicate
to, and the rest of Terran population as well. Said persons may
deny having the same opinion, but that is merely because they are
snivelling, whining inbreds who have no concept of my divine
powers to speak the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the
truth. So help me Dog."
%%
"This morning I shot six holes in my freezer
I think I've got cabin fever
Somebody sound the alarm." - J. Buffett
%%
"But when I double-clicked it, I screamed angrily.
The system said 'Bus Error at DEAD.'
The only thing to do was to reboot it, and then
The startup screen displayed the words, 'Don't do that again.'"
"Shrink Wrap Blues," Copyright 1993 by Gary McGath
%%
She: The only reason you watch that show is to see
the models in their skimpy swimsuits!"
He: So what's your point?
%%
/^^^\
/ o o \
---------------------------------------OOO------()-------OOO----------
|This message may not be reproduced in any way, shape, or form, without|
|the expressed and written consent of Herb here. DON'T piss him off... |
----------------------------------------------------------------------
%%
"Just riding down the fiber netway on my way to the end of
time and space on my great white Unicorn. See ya there and
may the great & wonderful universe be kind on your journey
of imagination and wonder.
P.S. I frag deamons out here too."
%%
"You are in a maze of twisty little messages, all different."
%%
. o \ o / _ o __| \ / |__ o _ \ o / o .
. /|\ | /\ ___\o \o | o/ o/__ /\ | /|\ .
. / \ / \ | \ /) | ( \ /o\ / ) | (\ / | / \ / \ .
%%
"We use Microsoft Mail. We eat our own
dog food, so to speak." -Bill Gates
%%
_____
/ o o \
+-----------------------ooO-(_)-Ooo----------------------+
| Not tonight, honey. I have a modem. |
+-----------------------( )-Ooo------------------------+
\ ( ( )
\_) ) /
(_/
%%
"Just because you're paranoid, don't mean they're not after
you..." (Boxed X intentionally omitted.)
%%
"Insert *'s to liking for obnoxiousicity."
%%
"This space for rent."
%%
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
|GeeksAreTheMasterRaceGodIsRecursiveCOffeeIsAFoodGroup....|
|RevoltAwakeAriseShoutYellScreamStruggleDOSOMETHINGDAMMIT.|
|MadnessBrillianceCreativityDementiaMathProphesySameS**t..|
|DIfferentPileWhoCaresWhatISayAnyWayKillYourTelevision....|
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
%%
"Faith is the quality that enables you to eat blackberry jam
on a picnic without looking to see whether the seeds move."
%%
"Ye have enemies? Good, good -- that means ye've stood up for
something, sometime in thy life..." -Elminster of Shadowdale
%%
----------------
End.
And here is the latest form of my sig.
--
"You are in a maze of twisty little messages, all different."
"Kinky: What I do. Perverted: What you do that I won't."
"You know when I get in the mashed potatoes with my doorknob, all she
do is cry and cry cause the little volleyball don't have no liver or
lungs..."