From: scs@wotan.iti.org (Steve Simmons)
Keywords: funny, true, sexual, originally appeared in fourth quarter, 1991
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny.reruns
Date: Sun, 23 Apr 2000 19:20:00 PDT

One hot summer I worked for the "L'il Stinker" company, a guy down the
street from us that pumped septic tanks.  It actually wasn't a bad job.
Most of my day was spent driving all over backwoods San Diego County in
a big white pickup truck (San Diego County still had backwoods then).
My job was to get to the customer in advance of the tank truck, find
the septic tank, and dig down to the lid so everything would be ready
when "Sweeney" got there with the tank truck.  The tank truck was great
-- huge black monster with two white stripes running down the back, a
picture of a skunk, and his phone number.  If you saw it once, you
remembered it instantly whenever your toilets backed up.

Over the course of the summer "Sweeney" told me a number of interesting
and possibly true stories.  This has always been one of my favorites.

Sweeney got called out to this house in Rancho Santa Fe, a very ritzy
suburb.  Typical problem, the toilets are backing up.  Young husband
answers the door, tells him the tank is "out there" somewhere.  Sweeney
goes out, finds and uncovers the tank, takes a look inside.  It's got
zillions of condoms happily floating on top of the, ah, other contents.
They've floated up against the outflow hole, thereby blocking up the
whole system.  Sweeney walks back up to the house and brings the guy
out to show him what the problem is.  The guy is obviously stunned, so
Sweeney starts to explain that condoms don't do well in a septic tank.
The guy cuts him off and says between clenched teeth, "I don't use
them."  He thinks it over for a minute, writes Sweeney a check for the
full bill, and tells him to just leave it like it is.  To this day he
has no idea what happened when the wife got home.

[Ed:  Reportedly an Urban Legend]