100.  Kirk is a leader, not a follower.
99.  Kirk never really got into that kinky "Jumpsuit" look.
98.  Kirk has sex more than once a season.
97.  One word: Hair.
96.  Another word: Pretty-good-looking-can't see-the-weave-WIG.
95.  Kirk can beat up a Klingon bare-handed.
94.  Picard is a Frenchman with an English accent.
93.  Kirk would date Beverly Crusher -- and damn the consequences!!
92.  Kirk never drinks tea.  Ever.
91.  Diplomacy for Kirk is a phaser and a smile.
90.  Kirk would personally throw Wesley off his bridge.
89.  Two words: Shoulder roll.
88.  Kirk doesn't wear dresses when Admirals arrive for lunch.
87.  Kirk once said: "I've got a belly-ache -- and it's a beauty".
86.  Kirk would never sing to children in a crisis.
85.  Kirk can almost drive a stick-shift.
84.  Kirk, almost single-handedly, re-populated the Earth's whale
population.
83.  Kirk says, "Prime Directive?  What Prime Directive?"
82.  Kirk knows 20th Century curses.
81.  Kirk was NEVER infiltrated by the Borg and used against the
Federation.
80.  Kirk ate little coloured cubes and still remained relatively healthy.
79.  Kirk made do with obviously low performance technology.
78.  Kirk never pretends to be a barber in order to gain a tactical
advantage.
77.  Kirk wasn't shy about taking his shirt off -- even around those pesky
Yeomans.
76.  Kirk would never waste a holodeck on something as stupid as Dixon
Hill.
75.  Kirk never once stood up and had to straighten his shirt.
74.  One word: Velour.
73.  Kirk can beat a Vulcan at Chess.
72.  When Kirk was Picard's age, he retired from Admiral and took to
climbing rocks.
71.  When Picard was 37, he was only Captain of the lowly freighter,
Stargazer.  When Kirk was 37, he was Captain of the flagship Enterprise.
70.  Kirk liked a good belt of liquor every now and again.
69.  One word: Iman.
68.  Kirk looks good with a ripped shirt.
67.  If Kirk ever met a Ferengi, he would rip off its head and shit down
its neck.
66.  Kirk says: "Shoot first and wait for retaliation".
65.  Kirk's first officer NEVER tells him to stay on the bridge.
64.  Kirk never leaves the room to bawl somebody out.
63.  Kirk doesn't rely on the wisdom of some dumb old janitor to get him
out of intergalactic scrapes.
62.  Two words: Funky sideburns.
61.  Kirk never asks his bartender for advice.
60.  Kirk never once said: "Abandon ship!  All hands abandon ship!".
59.  Kirk is not politically correct.
58.  Kirk never got dumped by a woman for an intergalactic busybody named
after a letter of the alphabet.
57.  Kirk never once wore green tights and frolicked about in Sherwood
Forest.
56.  If there was ever a Klingon on Kirk's bridge, Kirk would likely be
dead.
55.  Ever heard of a bar shooter called "Make it so?"   No?  How about a
"Beam me up Scotty" then?  See the difference?
54.  One word:  Miniskirts.
53.  Kirk's girlfriends always look good in soft light.
52.  Kirk never went anywhere without a whole bunch of guys in red shirts.
51.  Kirk's first officer didn't play some wimpy instrument like the
trombone.
50.  Kirk had more dates than his first officer.
49.  The extent of Kirk's knowledge of Klingon vocabulary can be roughly
translated as "GO F**K YOURSELF."
48.  If something doesn't speak English -- it's toast.
47.  Kirk wasn't some prissy archaeology fan.
46.  Picard's middle name isn't tough or awe-inspiring like Tiberius is.
45.  If Kirk finds a strange spinning probe, he blows it up.
44.  Picard never met Joan Collins.
43.  Picard flunked his entrance exams to Starfleet.
42.  Picard hasn't fathered any children;  Kirk -- probably millions.
41.  Kirk has a cool phaser -- not some pansy Braun mix-master.
40.  Two words:  Line delivery.
39.  Picard grew up on a quaint little French vineyard, squishing grapes
with his toes, while Kirk slung bails of wheat and hay in Iowa to put
himself through school.
38.  Kirk emphasises his orations with pertinent hand gestures.
37.  Kirk once made a cannon out of bamboo, sulphur, potassium nitrate,
charcoal and then fired diamonds into the hearts of his enemies.  (Need we
say more?
36.  Kirk is not put off by green skin.
35.  Kirk knows how to deal with peace loving hippy goofs.
34.  Kirk once fought a Greek god.  And won.
33.  Kirk barely asks for suggestions.  And if he does, he asks Spock only.
32.  Kirk doesn't let the doctor tell him what to do.
31.  One word:  Fisticuffs.
30.  Kirk's name is hated throughout the galaxy.
29.  Kirk appreciates Shakespeare, but he doesn't let it show.
28.  You can never lock Kirk up for very long.
27.  Kirk's eulogies can actually make you cry.
26.  Kirk plays god with lesser cultures, and then exploits them for
resources.
25.  Kirk's son would never drop out to become a musician.
24.  Kirk can climb up a Jeffries Tube and fix anything.
23.  Kirk never hired an engineer with punk glasses.
22.  The Klingon's didn't have a word for surrender -- until they met Kirk.
21.  Kirk's bridge is not beige.
20.  Two words:  Crane shots.
19.  Picard likes wimpy violin music -- and coerces Data into playing it.
18.  Picard allows cats on board, while Kirk beams away even really cute
things like Tribbles.
17.  Kirk is a cultural icon -- Picard is just some guy who's really nice.
16.  Kirk specifically ordered a swivel LA-Z-BOY for the bridge.
15.  Kirk would never touch SYNTHAHOL.
14.  Kirk looks distinguished in reading glasses -- and nobody dares to
call him "four eyes".
13.  Kirk can infiltrate Gangsters, Nazis and even the Pentagon -- easily.
12.  Picard likes painting nudes, for art's sake.
11.  When Kirk doesn't trust the Romulans, he fires at them.  When Picard
doesn't trust the Romulans, he gets fires at.
10.  Kirk never once, ever, wore a wiener wrapping Speedo banana hammock on
shore leave.
9.  Kirk never gets his command codes locked out by some pimply acting
ensign.
8.  Kirk doesn't test the engines -- he just fires them up.
7.  When Kirk says "Boldly Go," he MEANS it.
6.  Three words: Flying leg kick.
5.  Picard's crew would never ever think of him as a sexual object.
4.  Kirk travelled through The Great Barrier, met God, and wasn't even
impressed.
3.  Kirk's bedroom is a passion pit with electric sheets.
2.  Kirk would never let his Chief of Security wear A ponytail.
1.  One word:  Balls.




Top 101 Reasons Why Captain Picard Is Better Than Captain Kirk
==============================================================

101.  Kirk was a leader of followers.  That's the only reason he (almost)
got away with it.
100.  Picard's worst episodes were originally written for Kirk.
99.  Picard discovers new life, new civilisations and strange new worlds,
not discarded movie sets from
period 1950's dramas.
98.  Picard can act out entire Shakespearean plays, not merely remember 1
or 2 lines.
97.  Picard can get his ship to orbit a planet in BOTH directions.
96.  Picard would never ever date a shape-shifter who had previously
morphed into a little girl.
95.  Picard doesn't need to wear glasses.
94.  Picard has so much back-bone Starfleet designers had to cut out a
section of his command chair for it all to fit in.
93.  Picard didn't have to reprogram a computer to give him better grades
in order to graduate from Starfleet Academy.
92.  Picard has to contend with crap Starfleet Admirals.  If he stole a
starship, he'd get vaporised, not given captaincy of a new one like in the
easy old days.
91.  Picard commands his ship using the BIG head.
90.  Picard has a ship whose engines CAN take it.
89.  Three words: seven whole seasons.
88.  Picard never uses Grecian 2000.
87.  Picard has to contend with the "Prime Directive" - a ruling imposed on
him by Starfleet after they saw what a complete shambles resulted when they
let Kirk meet new alien races.
86.  The only way Picard would allow tribbles on his ship would be as hors
d'oeuvres.
85.  Picard never met Joan Collins.
84.  Picard's bridge doesn't sound like an aviary.
83.  Picard participates in the odd archaeological dig.  Kirk would make a
suitable subject for one.
82.  One question:  to which Captain would you entrust the safety of your
daughter?
81.  Picard is far too cool to beam down to a planet, strip to his waist
and wrestle with some guy in a rubber lizard suit.  He lets his First
Officer do all that for him.
80.  Picard never shot his best friend's body into space in a photon
torpedo.
79.  Kirk probably thinks a concerto is a kind of ice cream dessert.
78.  Picard doesn't need hair - real or not.
77.  Picard's crew are too sophisticated to be taken over by a bunch of
women in go-go boots and have the most intelligent person aboard controlled
by a box that has less buttons than a Super Nintendo joypad.
76.  One word: SQUISHED  (what would happen to Kirk and his ship had he met
the Borg and tried to deal with them in the same manner as he deals with
most other things).
75.  Kirk, almost single-handedly, re-populated the Earth's whale
population.  Just goes to show how questionable his sexual practices really
are.
74.  If their situations were reversed, Kirk would probably nail Lwaxana
Troi.  Picard has standards.
73.  Kirk can just about drive a stick-shift.  Picard sells Pontiacs during
the commercial break.
72.  Picard has a real bar aboard his ship.
71.  Picard would never have let HIS second in command irradiate himself in
the engine room.
70.  While Kirk did make most of the decisions aboard his ship, this was
only because advice from his crew was almost exclusively limited to "That's
illogical Captain," "It's worse than that, he's dead, Jim," "It's life, but
not as we know it" and "Klingons on the starboard bow."  Small wonder
really.
69.  Unlike Kirk's, Picard's middle name doesn't sound like an infectious
disease.
68.  You'd never have to clean Picard's semen out of the holodeck after
HE'D used it.
67.  Kirk once made a cannon out of bamboo, sulphur, potassium nitrate &
charcoal and used it to fire diamonds into the hearts of his enemies.
Picard is a starship captain, not McGuyver.
66.  Picard has only stooped to the dire act of feigning illness to attract
a guard's attention ONCE.
65.  Kirk has to fight Klingons to get his way.  Picard only has to tell
them what to do.
64.  Picard would never wear eye makeup.  Ever.
63.  Picard has a small, convenient hands-free communicator, not a Fisher
Price spin-n-whizz baby toy.
62.  Picard would never let himself get turned into a woman.
61.  Picard and his crew can solve a week's mystery in 44 minutes flat.
Kirk used to take 50 plus.
60.  Picard never has to sign an Etch-a-Sketch attendance register kept by
Yeomans with hair like a helter-skelter.
59.  Picard never cries in front of his crew when one of them gets killed.
58.  Picard never has pretentious episode titles like, "For the world is
hollow and I have touched the sky".
57.  Kirk is so boring he's caused several computers to self-destruct
merely by talking to them.
56.  Picard knows how to make a starship last.  Kirk has gone through 3
already;  that's a trifle careless.
55.  Picard's engineers NEVER lie to him about how long it takes to fix
something, because NO-ONE, not even Starfleet engineers, mess with Picard.
54.  Okay, so Picard is French.  But at least he speaks with an English
accent.
53.  Picard chews out Klingons.  Kirk chews on Klingons.
52.  Picard can climb rocks without falling off.
51.  Picard's uniform fits.  Particularly around the midriff.
50.  Picard had a large serrated knife pushed into his back, through his
heart and out his chest.... and he just LAUGHED AT IT!!
49.  Kirk fights like Adam West.
48.  Picard blows up another starship more than once a season.
47.  Picard never has Commies aboard his ship.  Kirk has one at the helm.
46.  Picard never has to put bits of Lego into his computers to make them
work.
45.  Picard made sure all the beds in his sickbay looked even more
uncomfortable than Kirk's so he'd have fewer slackers.
44.  Picard's phaser fires a burst of potentially lethal energy.  It does
not fire a stream of red felt-tip pen.
43.  Women chase Picard.  Kirk has to go out and bag his  (except for the
ones with green skin).
42.  Picard never needs a pessimistic Scot to beam him out of the crap when
things get ugly.
41.  When Picard has a holiday he goes home, gets drunk and brawls.  Kirk
sits at a camp-fire toasting marshmallows while singing "Row row row your
boat" .
40.  Picard ate Romulan soup and didn't even flinch.  Much.
39.  The Klingons in Kirk's day were real wusses.
38.  Kirk never drinks tea.  Ever.
37.  Picard's girlfriends just look good.  In any light.
36.  Picard once sent an entire ship full of people through a worm-hole to
their certain doom.  And just because his bartender suggested it might be a
laugh to do so.
35.  Picard doesn't need to jump through big stone doughnuts to travel in
time.
34.  Remember the time when the Captain of the Enterprise was a
slow-moving, monosyllabic automaton with a funny name?  But enough about
Kirk, wasn't Picard terrific as a Borg?
33.  Kirk only managed to make himself look relatively attractive by
carefully selecting his crew; contrast is everything.
32.  Picard has only ever gone crazy once, and then he did something really
cool like draw a smiley face in the cloud emanating from a warp core
explosion.
31.  Picard would never let HIS son get killed by Klingons.
30.  Two words:  Command presence.
29.  If Kirk ever met a Ferengi, he'd probably try to mate with it.
28.  Kirk never wore green tights and frolicked around Sherwood Forest.
Kirk has no sense of humour.
27.  Kirk's First Officer played some form of Vulcan harp, an instrument
that makes the trombone look like just about the most macho thing this side
of Kirk's wig.
26.  How many innocent yellow-shirted security officers have been killed by
crazed aliens who had taken pot shots at them in the mistaken belief that
they were actually shooting at Kirk.
25.  Kirk commands his ship as if he's driving a tractor across an Iowa
wheat field.
24.  When Picard was 37, he was the Captain of the lowly Stargazer.
Starfleet soon learned the value of "progressive experience" having
witnessed the disastrous consequences of letting someone take charge of a
real ship when their previous vehicular experience extended only as far as
driving a tractor across an Iowa wheat field.
23.  If Kirk had a doctor like Beverly Crusher, Starfleet would have to
relocate the command chair in sick-bay.
22.  Picard has more than one token black on his crew.
21.  Picard isn't afraid to go places without a security team.
20.  Picard doesn't wear pansy sailor-boy markings on his cuffs.
19.  Picard has shuttlecraft that can travel faster than Kirk's ship.
18.  Picard would never have said "He's had too much LDS".
17.  Picard never has to say stupid things like, "I...am a Gr'up!" in front
of young teenage girls who fancy him.
16.  Picard was actually in his own show's pilot episode.
15.  Picard never visits planets that look suspiciously like a Californian
desert.
14.  Picard won't spend HIS retirement writing science fiction books or
making cameo appearances in Zemeckis & Zemeckis films.
13.  Picard was never demoted to a lieutenant in the L.A. Police
Department.
12.  Picard's doctor doesn't have to keep reminding him what her job is.
11.  Picard doesn't have to operate his turbo lifts using hand pumps.
10.  Picard's main viewer is a 200 inch hi-definition TV with Nicam and
Pro-Logic surround-sound .
9.  Picard's ego wouldn't demand $7 million for a 10 minute appearance in a
movie.
8.  Picard can spend more than 15 minutes on a planet before being shot at
or locked up.
7.  Picard's ship was never taken over by a door-to-door salesman.
6.  If the Borg had assimilated Kirk, they wouldn't have learned anything.
5.  Picard's First Officer eats the things that attack Kirk in alien
forests.
4.  Picard would never blow up his own ship.
3.  Imagine you have to impose your authority:  "This is Captain Jean Luc
Picard of the Federation Starship Enterprise.  Now introduce yourself as
"James Tiberius Kirk, but you can call me Jim."  See the difference?
2.  Who ever heard of the Patrick Stewart foundation?
1.  One word:  Intelligence.